I am rebellious… so what!

I have been so busy, so much going on -lots of demands and “to do” lists. Can you relate?

I was running on empty and was getting pretty irritable… my inner monster was about to come out! (the one that is there to remind me I have gone too far, doing too much without replenishing my energy)

See, this little -with not so little energy- monster that lives inside of me is the one that is there to put some distance between me and the world.

It does come out when I have gone too far, disconnected from myself too much, that I have no idea how or where to start to find a break to connect with myself, and my heart goes missing.

This time is unlike any other, because I remain conscious. I am still in defense, setting boundaries the angry way, not the healthy way. I bet you know what I mean…

So I am aware of what I’m doing and I am even able to verbalize it. I say “You know I need some time to recover, leave me be!”

It always works, they leave me be. Of course, who would want to be close to a monster that is ready to eat your head off? And yet it is not fun to be in that place. Powerful? Sure! But not fun…

So I start feeling my way into the experience.

I am in a forest and it’s dark. But when my eyes adjust I notice that this monster certainly lives in a pretty nice place. It’s not dark and scary as I thought. The trees are lavish with fruit and the ground is soft and inviting underfoot, the birds are chirping and there’s a creek singing nearby… but a bit isolated, nobody is around.

I realized that that is what I wanted: to have some time to myself… here I am. Alone, in a beautiful place and absorbing all the energy, feeling replenished.

That is when I notice that I’m being observed.

There is Someone there… I can not see Her, yet I feel her presence. I get a clear feeling that She is watching over me, the way she always was when I was a child.

And right there and then I realize what I need to do:

I need to come here more often. Not invited by the little monster that pushes people away with her anger.

But INVITED by Her, my Inner Guide, my Higher Self, my Heart.

I need to schedule her invitations in my calendar so I do not forget!

Now, wait a minute!!!! If I do that, I schedule time for myself to visit this place, I would be regimented by my schedule! I do not respond well to commands!!!!

Wow! Did that sound familiar?! Yes, I have a vow: Not to respond to orders or set rules without running it through a series of tests… and often anything remotely resembling orders are equated with BAD!

Yes, I am a natural Rebellious One! And proud of it!

If I feel confined, restricted or controlled, in any manner, I REBEL!!!

I have a lot of practice.

Well, this time something is a bit different. I realize that I am the one setting the time, scheduling something I want to do!

So this argument goes in my head:

“It is still a rule, we need to rebel!”
“But it is something You want!”
“So what? A rule is a rule and we do not go along with strict rules!”
“Is there any space for flexibility?”
“We are strict about rules, we do not respect strict rules!!!”

I don’t know you, but I am laughing writing this and realizing what is happening…

So just for the sake of honoring change and to give my inner Goddess a chance to rejuvenate, I schedule time to visit her in her enchanted forest.

And… what happened next is truly magical: I call a truce, my rebellious self calls truce. I can not believe it!!!

She realizes that by scheduling time to visit the forest, she has time to relax and does not have to be on guard all the time, keeping watch over my over-doing.

Now…. ME, 46 years old and adult, also realize that by setting a structure, a schedule where I get stuff done and create ME time, I feel much Freer than I’ve ever felt!!!!

I can rely on the calendar holding the time… and I?

Well, I just have Fun getting stuff done and visiting my enchanted forest!!!!

How About You?

So, how does Your Rebellious side get in the way of your peace and relaxation? How does she interfere in your life?

See, what happens is that these endearing rebellious monsters are very useful, even more when we were very  young. They helped us, by keeping us safe by defending us, making us strong, when we needed it most!

And yet, as adults today, we need to recognize them and give them thanks… and ask them to relax when another strategy is more useful to us.

Look at your life, what would you like to accomplish? How do you want to improve your relationships, your career, your connection with yourself? And how does your rebellious side keep you stuck?

Take a moment and write down a different strategy that would really help you get there!!!

And, please share it below, we all need some creative ideas when those little monsters peek their heads….

Many blessings on your journey to your own Enchanted Forest!!!